There is a saying on many blogs/facebook profiles/twits that goes along the lines of,
Many things come to mind when I first came across this rather overused quote. I have no idea who started it, but it seems to fit the lifestyle of most youths who are rebellious whilst trying to find a place in society. Personally, I find it to be a defensive quote most likely to be used against the girlfriend/boyfriend who is trying to change our lifestyle. But then again, it probably came about after the countless naggings from their parents or teachers who try to mould them into useful people but find it rather challenging to accede to their demands.
So, a friend of mine wanted my take on her situation whereby her boyfriend, spouted the above-mentioned quote in the midst of a heated argument, and walked off into the distance. Both are very educated individuals and are very eloquent. That quote hurt her very much. She was left for dead (yeap just like my previous entry), and standing alone on the pavement left wondering. What was he trying to convey to her?
Let me clarify to my readers that I am no social/relationship guru. Instead, I am just writing the following paragraphs based on my life experiences and all opinions come solely from me. Heck, I went through a long term relationship, I better have something good to say. =P
The very first thing that came to mind was I envisioned him, putting up a hand and asking my friend to talk to the hand, ala Anita Sarawak style; "Talk to the hand". This is because the quote by itself does not contribute positively to the argument and leads to a dead end. There is no room to continue the debate, shows that the accused is not interested and ultimately damages the trust in the relationship. In some self-help articles I read, this is called 'Stonewalling.' It is as if you are letting your feelings known to a wall, and like a wall, it doesn't respond.
Secondly, it shows that he is not interested to improve himself to make his imperfect self, perfect for her. Yes, there is no such thing as a perfect partner, but saying that quote ultimately puts a full-stop to his willingness to self-improve. When the desire not to improve is brought across, the motivation to stay in the relationship slowly dies as it means that the other half is happy to stagnate and not bring it to another level.
Thirdly, I feel like slapping his face.
Fourth, come on. If someone says that you have a problem with you, listen first, then give your take on the problem. Try not to say that you do not see a problem and wonder why the other party feels otherwise. The willingness to listen tells the other party that you care and you are trying to accommodate to him/her. Sometimes, I feel that it is not solving the actual problem that solves the problem (don't worry this is not a typo). At times, the other individual simply craves for attention and a simple thoughtful gesture should fix things up.
In the end, I told her that one should not act in a rash manner nor even take this opportunity to seek the attention of other guys (of course she sought mine, but waddaheck). Take a day or two to cool down, have a cuppa with her girlfriends and get opinions from other positive individuals. To be fair, he is not such a bad guy. In fact, I've known him to be a gentle giant and it just goes to show that good guys have their off days sometimes.
"Accept me for who I am, do not change me."
Many things come to mind when I first came across this rather overused quote. I have no idea who started it, but it seems to fit the lifestyle of most youths who are rebellious whilst trying to find a place in society. Personally, I find it to be a defensive quote most likely to be used against the girlfriend/boyfriend who is trying to change our lifestyle. But then again, it probably came about after the countless naggings from their parents or teachers who try to mould them into useful people but find it rather challenging to accede to their demands.
So, a friend of mine wanted my take on her situation whereby her boyfriend, spouted the above-mentioned quote in the midst of a heated argument, and walked off into the distance. Both are very educated individuals and are very eloquent. That quote hurt her very much. She was left for dead (yeap just like my previous entry), and standing alone on the pavement left wondering. What was he trying to convey to her?
Let me clarify to my readers that I am no social/relationship guru. Instead, I am just writing the following paragraphs based on my life experiences and all opinions come solely from me. Heck, I went through a long term relationship, I better have something good to say. =P
The very first thing that came to mind was I envisioned him, putting up a hand and asking my friend to talk to the hand, ala Anita Sarawak style; "Talk to the hand". This is because the quote by itself does not contribute positively to the argument and leads to a dead end. There is no room to continue the debate, shows that the accused is not interested and ultimately damages the trust in the relationship. In some self-help articles I read, this is called 'Stonewalling.' It is as if you are letting your feelings known to a wall, and like a wall, it doesn't respond.
Secondly, it shows that he is not interested to improve himself to make his imperfect self, perfect for her. Yes, there is no such thing as a perfect partner, but saying that quote ultimately puts a full-stop to his willingness to self-improve. When the desire not to improve is brought across, the motivation to stay in the relationship slowly dies as it means that the other half is happy to stagnate and not bring it to another level.
Thirdly, I feel like slapping his face.
Fourth, come on. If someone says that you have a problem with you, listen first, then give your take on the problem. Try not to say that you do not see a problem and wonder why the other party feels otherwise. The willingness to listen tells the other party that you care and you are trying to accommodate to him/her. Sometimes, I feel that it is not solving the actual problem that solves the problem (don't worry this is not a typo). At times, the other individual simply craves for attention and a simple thoughtful gesture should fix things up.
In the end, I told her that one should not act in a rash manner nor even take this opportunity to seek the attention of other guys (of course she sought mine, but waddaheck). Take a day or two to cool down, have a cuppa with her girlfriends and get opinions from other positive individuals. To be fair, he is not such a bad guy. In fact, I've known him to be a gentle giant and it just goes to show that good guys have their off days sometimes.
What do you think? Leave a comment or email me if you would like to remain anonymous.
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