There are days where the still air of the night bear witness to the day's flashbacks. Her face glowing in the darkness when I close my eyes. Like a beacon, strong, radiating, but never blinding. Like a broken record that repeats itself, it is always the same scene, the same smile, the same touch, the same smell. It is a wonder really, as I do not know her well enough.
We would talk for hours over matters. From the trivial, right down to the surreal. Her warm controlled giggles, eventually bursting into hearty laughter as she got comfortable. It is a nice feeling really. To be in the company of someone who enjoys being with you, and allowing their minds to be tinkered and teased. Like a game of tennis, we bounced ideas back and forth and many a times lost countless hours due to reasons unknown.
Ever the inquisitive individual, everything fascinates. How wonderful curious minds are. Their minds do not stop working, they keep thinking, and processes run non-stop. Sometimes she'd try to read body languages and steer conversations according to her inferences. It is this cute caring gesture which radiates warmth and made others feel comfortable in her presence. She'd get it wrong at times, and reacts by giving the look of bewilderment which drives me crazy. A look so innocent, yet confident. Disappointed, yet elated. It is her unexplained phenomenon which kept me coming back for more.
The medicine for the aching heart which yearns for her presence was the power of memory. Her subtle snorts when she laughs, the distinct yet faint smell of her perfume and her swagger when she walks. Those memories were enough to get by. Or the faint blush she exudes on her soft cheeks when I caught her stealing glances. It is a wonder how a pretty, smart, and confident lady like her was not in the company of a man. But then again if she was, I would never have the wonderful memories that remain etched in the mind.
Thank God for that.
One would never really know what goes on in her. Some days, she'd give the vibes that she's waiting. At times, she's not really looking for anything serious. Like a bird she yearns to be free. Yet deep inside, she wishes to return to familiarity and consistency. A free spirit. It was hard to let go, to be supportive, and at times it was hard to believe the words uttered to her were equivalent to, "Be free! Fly! Spread your wings and see the world!"
But deep inside, the heart yearns for when the day comes where she stops flying, she'd fly back home to me.
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