Aku tidak Layak Bersamamu

I never thought the next few moments would be a moment to be in awe, admiration, yearning and great respect for someone. I was at a bookstore, browsing through children's books (I enjoy browsing through the odd children's book for its colourful drawings and simple language) when she approached.

"I presume you must be the one since you're the only person who seems to be waiting."

I was expecting someone to approach or surprise me, thus I wasn't at all shocked when she spoke. Gently, I put down the book I was holding, and looked for the source of that very voice. It was a voice of confidence, with a slight tint of happiness filled with relief. There she was when I looked up, standing in front of me. Her smile, radiant, and her teeth white. She had her hand clasped, in a posture of hope, hoping that I was the one she was looking for.

"Now that's a smile I would remember for a long time," I thought to myself.

After we exchanged salaams and verified our identities with one another, I could feel a sense of calmness enveloping me. There was no racing heartbeat, I did not stutter nor did I have an episode of social awkwardness. She had a certain calm demeanor that I was familiar with. A feeling of constantly being in control, having situational awareness and knowing what needs to be done. For me, it is the same vibes I get when I am in the 'zone,' like when doing prayers or piloting a vehicle. She was pleasant, dressed in the simplest of clothes, and had on a pair of well worn crocs, her feet covered in grey socks. Her bag was slung behind, well-worn but clean. If she was in a crowd, she would go unnoticed, just like another muslim schoolgirl minding her own business. Yet beneath all that simplicity, I could sense a sharp mind and a big heart.

As the day progressed and we learned more about one another, I felt terrible. The more she talked about herself, the stronger the terrible feeling grew. It wasn't terrible in a bad way. Yes, there is terrible in a good way.  But rather, terrible because I felt so small. So worthless. So minute. I wondered why I was there as I was ashamed to be in the presence of someone so magnificent, so beautiful, so civilised and having such good akhlak. Subhanllah, she is a woman of high stature.

And to think she set aside time to share a meal with me. 

Sesungguhnya, aku tidak layak bersamamu.

If He decides that I should meet someone so that I would repent, Alhamdulillah, she is the best of signs.